Preschool Conferences

Preschool conferences. Are you fucking kidding me?

Let's not fool ourselves people. Our children are not in preschool  to gain essential early reading skills or to develop socially and emotionally to become productive members of society; they are in preschool to get the fuck out of our house all day long and to whine to someone else about snacky-snacks.

Or wait, maybe I am missing something vital by not attending this life-altering meeting. Perhaps my daughter's teacher could explain to me the long-term trajectory of her educational career, or discuss my daughter's deep interest in the word poop. She works it into at least every sentence. I'm sure there some issues to discuss. Or maybe she could bring up the fact that I bring my daughter late every single day, or that I've never turned in a scholastic reader.

I can only imagine the ways this teacher would like to grill me on my parenting.

No, I do not want to fucking talk to you when I drop my kid off. No, I do not want talk to other mothers. I mean, they are wearing makeup.What the fuck? I am so not talking to you. I still have oatmeal in my hair and I just had to wrestle my daughter into that goddamn outfit. Cause nothing says good morning like having your 3 year old run around the house screaming that she hates you and she hates sweatshirts and she will not, I repeat will absolute not wear anything with a hood. So glad I got out of bed for this shit. 


And no, I don't want to sign up for parent's carnival night. Just in case you were fucking wondering.